THE ONE EYED CASH STEALING SOCK THIEVING HOME GNOME:
THE GNOME STOLE MY VACATION
I was watching survivor the other night and they showed the travel gnome doing all of these vacationy things, as I watched I realized he was doing all of the things I wanted to do. Lying on a beautiful white sandy beach reading a book under the caribbean sun, snorkeling in tropical waters with exotic fish, watching the sun sink into the ocean. All of these things were in my plan for a vacation, but I can’t go on it because that stupid gnome keeps stealing all my money. The other day he bought coffee twice and Mcdonalds, what am I going to do? If I could just catch him, or even trap that money somehow, he no longer would be able to sit in my lounge chair on a caribbean beach or take my mediterranean cruise.
So I have devised a plan to keep my money protected. I put it into an account I can’t even get easy access too, where I have to call someone and they have to transfer it over to me when I need it. Every paycheck all extra money comes out and goes directly into this secret account so that stupid gnome doesn’t even have a chance to get his grubby little hands on it. From this day forward no gnome will ever steal my vacation again. I have truly outsmarted them this time.
I will finally be able to wear my speedo I hope it hasn’t gotten to small. See you at the beach!!
Todd Child (pseudo scientist on the home gnome project)